Surrender: Destiny's Waiting
by Steamcraft
Summary: Modern!AU: When Merlin is attacked and turned into a werewolf, it turns his world upside down. His new neighbor and Lycantherapist, Arthur, isn't making anything easier - especially when Merlin is doing everything he can to ignore his Destiny: he wants to fall in love normally, not end up in fated relationship he had no say in. Not to mention one important factor: he's not gay.
1. Chapter 1

**Surrender; Destiny's Waiting**  
-Merlin fanfiction  
_by Steamcraft_

* * *

His mother's rule of thumb was that if it wasn't an emergency, there was no excuse to be outside after dark. When Merlin was real young, this rule said "...no excuse to be awake after dark". There were some nights when Merlin couldn't sleep and he snuck down the stairs to listen to the people who came in to strike business with his grandfather. His grandfather, Lee Gaius, talked in hushed tones as he grounded herbs Merlin had helped collect days prior; mostly the leaves, as Gaius didn't want Merlin to accidently throttle flowers and their stems. Usually the arrangements were quick and quiet, but every other Sunday brought Kilhan Gareth, an aging man who spoke more cryptic puzzles than he did pleasantries.

He was the first werewolf Merlin officially met.

Merlin knew that there were people around that were werewolves, but just didn't tell anyone. It wasn't as if they were repressed; werewolves were a small percentage of the population, but they paid taxes like everyone else, had to follow the law. There were even werewolf protection rights. But there were no volunteers to educate about the werewolf lifestyle since no one talked about it; all hush-hush, like they were repressed. Merlin's mother had explained to him, though, that most werewolves believed to be in a class of their own, a higher social group than their middle class, and didn't cross well with others.

Kilhan Gareth wasn't like any werewolf Merlin (might have) met.

"Well, good evening, young Merlin," he said when he spotted an eight-year-old Merlin hiding behind the sector. Gaius looked up from his books with a disapproving eyebrow.

"Um, hallo. Jus'..." he glanced about, looking for a reason to be out of bed. "Jus' need a cuppa water." Merlin went around the counter to avoid his grandfather and reached on tiptoes to get a glass from the cabinet. It wasn't just quiet in the room now, it was very tense. Before Merlin was forced from his hiding spot, the two adults had been whispering an argument, it seemed. His grandfather was obviously waiting for him to leave, but Kilhan watched him fill his glass twice (to prove he was thirsty) with interest.

"Such a small boy for such a great Destiny, you are, Merlin," he said.

Before Merlin could ask, Gaius stopped working completely and stared at the man. "He is not one of you."

After a solid minute of silence, Kilhan smiled kindly. "Do not worry, Gaius. I'm just making a note of that which I have Seen."

"Merlin, bed," his grandfather said tersely. "Go to the loo on the way."

Merlin blushed, set his glass on the counter, and scurried out of the kitchen.

"Good night, Merlin," Kilhan called after him.

Kilhan didn't come back for a while after that night, which Merlin believed to be more of his grandfather's doing than Kilhan's choice. Both Gaius and his mother became strict with Merlin's curfew and found reasons for him to stay inside all day during the summer. They watched him with an overly cautious eye as school started again and became anxious when Merlin came home a few minutes late. Merlin didn't mind too much; he was being cared for, he thought, so it truly surprised him to see Kilhan, several months later, sitting at the kitchen table and talking with his mother one day after school.

Hunith smiled at him. "Merlin, baby, you remember Kilhan? He'll be around for supper for a while." Kilhan was watching him again, a golden glint in his eyes that Merlin missed before.

"Oh," Merlin could only say. Then, "Can I go play?"

"Homework, first."

His grandfather nor mother didn't right out to say Kilhan was a werewolf, but Merlin had his suspicions of what Gaius' clients were, what they needed herbs for, and why they came in the privacy of night. After the first few weeks, Kilhan was at the house for more than just dinner; he helped Merlin with school work over the weekends, picked up groceries and other errands for Hunith, delivered the herbal medications to Gaius' clients, and never was a surprise to see reading in the lounge. Kilhan was starting to become a regular parental-figure in Merlin's life, he realised much later. Slowly, Merlin's restrictions ebbed into guidelines.

A family moved into the empty house next door not long Kilhan was more or less a member of the household. (The architecture in the neighborhood was strange, houses built too closely together. Doors that lead to the alleyway had a roof covering above them, stretching about four feet in each direction for weather purposes. Also looking into the alleyway, upstairs and right above the door with the roof is a bedroom with a window.) Merlin had snuck into their hedges to get a closer look at the family, then proceeded to scream like a girl at a tap on his shoulder.

"Ya scream like a girl," earlier introduced as William Ealdorn (just Will, he'd said. William was the name of a dead poet) said.

Merlin huffed, but shared his chalk when they sat together on the sidewalk.

"I reckon ya will be in my class, yea?" Will asked.

"Probably."

"Any wolves in the school?"

Merlin shrugged; he didn't remember seeing any of the staff come to his house for his grandfather's medicines. "I don't think so, but who cares? They're just teachers."

"I mean are there any wolf kids? Kids born werewolves?"

Setting his chalk down, Merlin looked at Will, eyes wide. "There are kids that are werewolves?"

Will nodded. "Well, yea. I mean, how else is a grown up a werewolf if they're not bitten? I'm one."

"Liar," he scoffed, "You look normal to me." Kilhan at least had funny eyes and sharp nails and teeth.

"Because I am normal. The Changed are the weirdos."

"Changed?"

"Those askin' to become wolf."

They continued drawing, until Merlin stared at Will again. "If you're a werewolf, why did you admit to it?"

Will met Merlin's gaze. "Huh?"

"Werewolves," Merlin fumbled, "They don't like saying they're werewolves, or somethin'. Me mum told me once."

Will played with the chalk for a long moment, then said something wise for a near-nine-year-old. "I like me, and I'm not scared of tellin' about me."

Merlin nodded and stayed silent until it was time to go back inside. There was a quiet goodbye from Will, but Merlin was already shutting the door. His grandfather was in the kitchen making the herbs, and his mother was out with friends. Merlin went into the lounge where Kilhan sat reading a book Merlin couldn't pronounce the name of. He stood at the door, waiting to be noticed, and it didn't take long. Without a glance to him, Kilhan finished his page and set the book aside. He looked at Merlin with expectancy.

"Why didn't you say you were a werewolf?"

"Because it would have been redundant, as you already knew I was a werewolf. Correct?" Merlin's head bobbed, and Kilhan opened his arms in an inviting gesture. Often, he would climb on Kilhan's lap as the werewolf read or read to him. Merlin didn't hesitate to do that now. "Because of my werewolf traits, I normally don't need to explain to others what I am." He paused to sniff. "You smell like the young Ealdorn boy; what did he tell you?"

"He asked me if there were any werewolves at school, werewolf kids. I didn't know there was such a thing, is he lying?" Merlin asked.

Kilhan shook his head. "Not at all. Werewolf families are all over the place, and a mother and father who are werewolves will, naturally, have werewolf children. I know the Ealdorn family, helped them move next door. They are werewolves, as is their son." He studied Merlin's face. "Does this bother you?"

Merlin thought a moment on it, and shrugged. "I don't know. Mum says they don't like others, but Will's nice and I want to be friends with Will, but he'll only want to be friends with werewolves and I don't want to be a werewolf just to be someone's friend and I don't want to change, or- or 'Change' and why did you ask for that?" He took a deep breath, and wondered sheepishly if he could ask questions about Kilhan. Kilhan hummed.

"Not everyone asks for it, young Merlin," Kilhan said with an edge. "To be Changed. There are those who are bitten without permission."

"...were you?"

The werewolf grinned. "No, young Merlin, I wanted to be Changed so I could be with my pack. My pack was quite extraordinary, and I loved them dearly. I miss them just as equally." He continued before Merlin could ask about his pack. "But the point is that not every werewolf is the same, like how not every child is the same, especially not young William. He's not a quiet boy, that is for certain. Try being his friend, and if he asks you to be different, then I'm wrong. And you know, there is a great chance that you're already friends with werewolves, young Merlin; keep your mind open to everything; werewolves are not any different from you, or your mother, or your grandfather.

"Did I help ease your thoughts?"

Merlin nodded with a smile. "Thank you, yes."

The next day, Merlin went to Will's door, and Will's mother greeted him kindly with punch and biscuits while he waited. She asked him his name, how long he lived in the neighborhood, and if he liked the school. She hinted that Will needed to make friends around these parts, but said nothing of them specifically being werewolves. She didn't mention werewolves at all, Merlin noted. When Will came down, Merlin shuffled to his feet and stared at the floor. "I was a right tit yesterday."

Will crossed his arms. "Yea, ya kind of were."

"I'm sorry."

"Yea, ya kind of look it."

Merlin glanced at Will, who was smirking. He grinned, too. "Want to be my friend?"

"Stupid, we already are. Wanna come see my room?"

Merlin learned then that maybe his mother was wrong sometimes: he found out that several of his friends at school were werewolves or had werewolf relatives, their parents just as friendly and inviting. Kilhan later explained that it was mostly certain families that married specially with other werewolf families that were old fashioned and stuck to old customs. Merlin liked being human, and no one asked him to change. What Merlin liked most, however, is that Will's bedroom looked into Merlin's from across the alleyway. That week, the locks on the windows were broken and the roof ledges were used more than the sidewalks for many years to come.

/ - / - / - / Sixteen Years Later / - / - / - /

"Merlin? Merlin, baby, are you up? You're going to be late." His mother knocked on the door.

Merlin blearily opened his eyes, confused. He rolled over and asked, "What time is it?"

"Ten-forty-three."

"Oh, shit..." Wide awake, Merlin leapt from bed in an immediate search for his trousers, wondering if he had turned his alarm on last night. "Thanks, Mum!" he called as he heard her go downstairs again. Hopping into a pair of trousers, he picked up a shirt and sniffed it; it was decent, and he threw it over his head. He tracked his phone, wallet, and name badge as he got his shoes on and went to the bathroom to tidy up. As Merlin thought he would pick something to eat from work, his mother knocked again, and he opened the door to find toast.

Hunith gave a raised eyebrow while he swept down and kissed her on the cheek and took the toast with his mouth. "T'anks, Mum," he garbled. Merlin took it out and grinned, "What would I do without you?"

"Starve," she said simply. "You would be too busy to think about eating. Now hurry, baby; fifty-five, now. I've called and let Lance know you would be late. Kilhan's gone until Sunday, so see if Will or Lance can give you a ride home tonight."

When Merlin was hired at the radio station, he made enough for a flat share, but Will (his planned flatmate) decided to stay in the house he grew up in when he met his Destined a few years ago and wanted to have a family soon. Will's parents had moved out when Freya came into the picture, and the pair of them made house payments to his parents. Merlin had lived on his own for a while, but found he missed the company; being his mother, Hunith picked up on his loneliness immediately, and she and his grandfather devised the near-same set up.

"A boy needs his mother in his life, you know that, right?"

"Get going, Merlin!" Hunith laughed, and he dashed by her, back into his room and right out the window. He jumped the two-feet gap in-between the ledges and pushed open Will's bedroom window. "Will, mate! Can you give me a lift?"

The room, with closet and door leading to the hall, was a mirror replica of his own in size. While Merlin's bedroom was generously decorated with a few hanging pictures and plants, Will's walls were lost under a mix of band and movie posters. The flat surfaces littered candles, paper trash, hygiene products, accessories, remedy herbs and flowers, and a pink make-up bag. Clothes were strewn across the floor, dark jeans and tee-shirts, skirts and flowery blouses, and... Merlin looked away from the frilly pair of woman's underwear quickly when the door opened and in came Freya wrapped in a towel.

"Heya, Merlin," she greeted him with a hug. Merlin returned it, leaning over her pregnant stomach to give her a proper hug. "Will's downstairs. Can you do me a favor, though, and look under the bed for my yellow shoes?"

As he crouched beside the bed, Merlin said, "Mum's inviting you and Will over this weekend for dinner. She also wants Will to bring his parents if he can." He carefully avoided the condom wrapper that had gathered dust and moved Will's dirty clothes. A spot of dull yellow, and Merlin reached, but his fingers barely brushed the shoes. He lied on his stomach.

"And here I thought Hunith wouldn't want Will around her kitchen anymore," Freya joked as she slipped into some clothes.

"Er, no..." He stretched and found another pair of trousers. He looked underneath and couldn't see the shoes. "That's Gilli, but Mum says he's not to go farther than the eating room. Freya, I think the floor ate your shoes."

Freya ignored his comment. "I like our get-togethers. They're always so fun, we should do them more often; I don't see Iseldir laugh so much." She came close and playfully kicked him in the shin. "And I do recall someone unable to stop staring at Mithian, Merlin."

Merlin coughed delicately. "A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman, Freya. Her new haircut is nice." He poked his head in and lifted a shirt that Merlin hadn't seen Will wear in a year. He would definitely need to wash his hands, but he grabbed the slip-ons and backed out. Freya grinned and took them from his hand.

"Thanks. I can hardly tie my shoes any more," she said. "I'll talk to Will. You best get going!"

"Make sure you see Mum after you get your pictures," he reminded as he left the room and flew down the stairs. Hunith had been keeping up with Freya's pregnancy (six months in) and doted her like a precious daughter, even sympathising with a frightened Will when Freya's hormones gave her the title of Scariest Woman Alive. Gaius helped with concocting organic teas for her morning sickness, and Mithian was thankful for Merlin's family as no one in the pack had any knowledge about pregnancy. Sometimes, she was as frazzled as Will.

Will was sixteen when he met Mithian and her pack at a rally he skipped school for. Merlin was told a story of heroism, where his best friend saved a pack's alpha from two free-form wolves when the crowd became a riot at the spokeman's provoking. Alator, Mithian's right-hand-man, quietly explained that Will's thoughtless bravery to keep the peace and protect their alpha was a rare sight to see nowadays.

His heroic friend had all the time to introduce Merlin to his new packmates in community service after the Met and Special Forces Unit intervened and arrested all those participating in Wolf Battles, wolf-formed and not.

To be honest, Merlin was cautious of Mithian at first. Will had always been picky about joining packs, too stuck on finding a pack alpha that would remind him of his parents, but shortly after Merlin found what was appeasing about her. Mithian was like a mother and an older sibling, firm and gentle; teasing and protective. The pack brothers, Alator and Iseldir, were just as friendly, if a lot less_ smiling_.

"Will!" Not in the living room, Merlin turned the corner to see Will standing over the toaster in the kitchen. The toast had popped and was badly burnt. "Alright, mate?"

Will started, looking over his shoulder. "Hey, mate. Why aren't ya at the station?" Merlin studied his longest friend, noticing the troubled creases in his frown lines and the distracted look in his eyes.

"Need a lift, if that's okay?" He nodded to the toast. "Breakfast?" Will looked at the toaster again, sighed, and tossed the ruined toast.

"Not anymore." He picked his keys up from the counter and went towards the garage door. "Let's go."

On the road, Merlin stared hard at his friend while the radio played the station Merlin worked at. They've been silent since they got in, and Merlin was beginning to worry. "What's wrong?" Will's jaw set a little firmer, but Merlin knew since he didn't say "nothing" he would answer him.

Few minutes later, Gwen's voice came from the radio when the list of songs ended. "Brilliant way to start the morning, if you're just waking up. Lucky you all, I've been sucking coffee since six! Stay tuned to noon, be a caller and answer our Wizard's questions, and you'll have a chance to win our give-away! Two free tickets to see Excalibur in concert next month! Our number is (1) 1-777-9303, good luck! Here's Excalibur now, with their newest hit single: Long Live the King."

Will leaned over and shut the radio off. "Bloody hate Excalibur," he muttered before falling quiet again. Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"Well...?" he prompted finally.

"We might have to move."

"What do you mean?" A hand went over Will's head, and Merlin just realised how messy his hair was, how much something was stressing him.

"The other night," he started, "When we left your place, Mith told me an' Mordred some bad news she's been gettin' from the Druid Pack families. She says the Pendragon Pack is comin' closer to city. They're a damn territorial bunch, startin' Battles to gain more territories, regardless of the new laws. If they come in an' start trouble, Alator an' Iseldir suggested we move out. She's not exactly pleased 'cause Mordred's still livin' with his da an' Gilli's in school. ...I was plannin' on havin' m kids grow up here."

Merlin stared, feeling a numbness settle inside him. "W-was?"

"Am, no- yea-" He growled and thumped the wheel hard. His accent came out thicker: "I dunno! I wanna stay, but this is me pack; I need ta take some responsibility to it. But I've lived here nearly me whole life, an'... an' you're me best friend, Merl! Freya's not inna state ta move, an'- _bugger it all_, she don't even know!"

He paused, calming down some. "I want to keep her safe, mate. She's everythin' to me. Yea, there's you an' my pack brothers, but... Freya's my Destiny, understand?"

_Not really_, Merlin thought, feeling completely selfish. He knew what a Destiny was, a werewolf finding their mate, but Merlin didn't understand how marriage was different.

"So, you're leaving then," Merlin said slowly after a long moment, looking out the window. There was a store at the corner that didn't sell to werewolves, and had a quote painted on the side in large black letters: **LIBERTY FOR WOLVES IS DEATH TO THE LAMBS.** -ISAIAH BERLIN. Merlin never went there, and didn't know anyone else who did.

"If the Pendragons come in any closer, then maybe."

Will pulled into the lot and Merlin got out. "Thanks. Can you pick me up tonight, mate? Kilhan's gone for the week."

"Sure, mate, might be a little late," he said, "Mum and Da wanted to see her ultrasound pictures."

"Sounds good, give them a hello for me." A wave and a honk, Will was gone and Merlin went inside dragging his feet. He knew it wasn't fair to Will, or Freya, but Merlin felt like latching on Will's arm and saying he couldn't leave, that he met him first, and just leave his pack, yeah? But Merlin knew that Will would never become Lone when he had a lovely pack family. Maybe it was Mithian Merlin wanted to curse at, then; she should have just been grateful someone came to her aid instead of whisking Will out of his life some years later.

He sighed, knowing his anger was being misplaced. Will was a big part of his life, the only honest friend he had before meeting Gwen and Lance at the radio station. School took the people he grew up with, and people also grew up, moved away, had families and other friends. Merlin hung on to the people he cared about and didn't like letting go.

"Merlin!" Lance greeted him, and Merlin stopped feeling sorry for himself to grin at his boss. Lance was Merlin's only other werewolf friend, Changed at a young age, Lance once shared. "Good to see you, feeling okay?"

"Alright," he shrugged. "Got a lift from Will."

"Need to get yourself a car, Merlin," he teased.

Merlin grinned wider, and returned, "Need to marry Gwen, Lance." He ducked under the reaching arm, and opened the door to the studio and closed it quickly behind him, laughing.

"Hey, Merlin!" Gwen sat at the table, headphones around her neck and microphone poised toward the ceiling. Merlin sat across from her and put his own headphones on. "Quick briefing: Bayard declined the interview for next week, and Lot hasn't returned our call. However, Elena did call back to confirm the live show for tomorrow. And we've been getting calls in for songs mostly on the instrumental-alternative side today; can you lead us away from that?"

Merlin nodded and turned towards the laptop to look at the list of songs played. "Yeah, okay. We'll just throw in a bit of Samhain Terror and maybe Faeries!, if not Lady of the Lake." He created the playlist and nodded again to himself as the current song ended and went on to Samhain Terror's The Veil. He turned on his microphone and while the song built up to the rift, Merlin leaned forward.

"Good morning everyone, Wizard here next to Nightingale. Great to be here, and yeah, I know I said I would start you all off with some Green Knight this morning, but I woke up late. Tragic thing is I came into work anyway. Green Knight after the Excalibur ticket give-away, though! Make sure you call in for your chance to win! As always, you can call us at (1) 1-777-9303, or log into our website: and join the shout out on the homepage. Here's Samhain Terror!" He turned his microphone off as the song started their lyrics.

Gwen smiled. "Great, thanks. I'm going to get some more coffee, want some?"

"Nah, it'll get cold while you flirt with Lance," he joked, and couldn't avoid the playful slap on his arm this time. He leaned back to continue working on the playlist until it filled his work hours. He placed in a lot of random genres during the middle as that was around the time listeners called in and requested songs that had been stuck in their heads. Merlin liked the random variety.

As it neared noon, the phones were tied up. There were many that called thirty minutes early, but Lance didn't keep them on the line, finding it unfair. Merlin always encouraged them to call back closer to the deadline, and thank you for listening to Camelot Radio. He kept an eye on the time as each of them hanged up. Gwen kept speaking, advertising the giveaway, and then finally 11:59 rolled on to 12:00 as Merlin turned on his microphone and chose a blinking, hopeful red light at random. He leaned forward, grinning as his friend gave a cue for his entry.

"That's right, Nightingale; time is up! We have our contestant on the line right now to see if they can answer a random-topic question," he announced, then addressed the caller. "Hello, are you with us?"

"I am," a man's voice came from the speakers.

"Thanks for calling! Who am I speaking to?"

"I'd rather not say, if its all the same," he replied.

"That's fine. Great, nice for you to join us on the show today! Are you ready for your chance to win two free Excalibur tickets? Mind you, they'll be great seats."

"May I ask something first, Wizard?"

Noticing Gwen's raised eyebrow, Merlin quickly eyed Lance through the window, who shrugged and gave a relenting nod. "Sure, what's that?"

Years later, Merlin still wouldn't be sure if that was the right thing to do. Part of him wondered what it would be like if he pushed toward the contest, never gotten into the provoking conversation over live radio. Sometimes he wondered if he would have been happier on the path that led him to Arthur. Meeting Arthur would have been inevitable, but Merlin liked a path not so crossed with bloodshed.

"What are your reasons to being human?"

He looked at Gwen, frowning. They weren't to get into any politics until Monday, so he kept light of the matter. "As opposed to what, a _cat_?"

The speaker didn't laugh. "Funny. A werewolf, of course. Changed."

"The law, for one," he listed shortly. "Personal choice, secondly. Genetics, comes in third." When there wasn't an immediate reply, Merlin said almost irritably, "Sorry, can we begin the giveaway?"

"Perhaps I should introduce you to a greater reason," the caller answered vaguely. Lance knocked on the window, making a cutting action across his throat, telling Merlin to hang up the call.

"Pardon, wh-" Was he being threatened? It didn't sound much like a threat as it did a promise, though.

"Have a good day." The line went dead, and Merlin's befuddled head whisked around where Lance continued to rap on the window, a concerned expression on his face. Merlin glanced at Gwen who stared at him, and he forced himself to say something, aware that all was silent on the station.

"...well, Night-ingale. What do you make of that, a chance of losing two free tickets to one of the most popular groups of the year?"

"There have been stranger calls, Wizard. Fish and chips is all I need to say."

"Haha, that's a day I'll never forget. Let's give this another go! Next caller, I'm sure you want these tickets right?" He pressed a red light, and started again.

When it came time to shut down the station and leave the automated player going throughout the night, Lance stopped Merlin at the door. "Do you need a ride? I wouldn't mind giving you one, you know that, Merlin."

Merlin zipped up his jacket. "I'm fine, really. Will will be here soon."

"I can stay with you until he arrives."

"What, and miss your date? Don't think Gwen would be too pleased."

"Merlin."

The shorter of the dark-haired men glanced at his friend sheepishly. "I'm not worried about that call from earlier, really. There have been weirder people to call in, you remember the one about the fish and chips."

Lance ignored the last comment, and his hand went to his hair in a frustrated motion. "You might not be, but I am bothered by this. We advertise the station's location everywhere, and the Moon is coming up; wolves get crazier. And you might not be familiar with the werewolf politics within packs, but the Essetir family has been the result of three deaths in the passed year, and possibly twenty or more Changed."

Merlin blinked, surprised. "And authorities…?"

"Unable to prove, even with the Special Forces Units." Lance growled, his expression dark. "Apparently a scent of someone isn't actual evidence. To get a wolf at the crime they need fur and print samples."

"I've never heard of the Essetir pack," Merlin confessed.

"Wolves aren't really supposed to talk about other packs to humans unless related." Lance explained, "Essetir are more or less like… I guess you could say they're about the equivalence to a group of assassins. Their alpha is ruthless, and nearly caused dispute in my own pack awhile back."

Merlin nodded, the news that Lance had a pack new to him, but not surprising; Lance would be the perfect sort to have an extended family to take care of. He took out his cellphone and keyed in the emergency number.

"I'll just have to hit send," he said. "You don't need to fret now. Go have a good night with Gwen, and I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Lance didn't look too reassured, but in the end he nodded. "Alright. I expect you bright and early tomorrow. Some Round Table, okay?" Merlin agreed, and Lance left, a little late for his date.

Fifteen minutes into the wait, he climbed and sat on top of Camelot Radio's sign, open phone on his lap. Merlin stopped watching the people walking pass apprehensively and relaxed, eventually returning a few texts and playing a couple games on his phone.

A lorry slowed and pulled into the entrance. Merlin looked up expectantly, but the truck's headlights weren't the same as Will's, nor were they familiar. He fumbled with his phone, and dropped it on the concrete while getting down from his seat.

_Shit_, he thought and quickly reached for it. The back popped off, and the battery tumbled somewhere that his fingers thankfully found. He kept eyeing the strange truck and the man in the driver's seat as it coasted closer. Merlin pocketed the pieces and swore under his breath as he steeled himself to go to the passenger window when it parked.

"We're closed, mate," he said.

The man was scarred on his face, his DNA-altered, golden-colored irises hidden in a mast of marred flesh. He watched Merlin, focused on the way he swallowed nervously, becoming only slightly frightened. Only slightly? he thought hysterically. He might piss himself.

"Oh, are you?" his voice too familiar. Merlin wondered if that was his panicked brain trying to place the voice to the caller from that afternoon. "I had heard I could pick up a job app, I guess I could come by in the morning."

"Yeah," Merlin nodded too quickly. "Yeah, the morning will be super. We'll be open and everything."

The Changed man continued to watch him, expression puzzled as he sniffed the air. "Pardon my saying, but you don't have a wolf scent."

"Ah," he breathed. "I- I suppose I don't. Nope, all human here. Really bad odor and whatnot. Um."

"It's just I sense great potential from you, a legendary Destiny, and you don't have an inch of the itch."

"Look," Merlin said suddenly, palms sweating, "If I offended you earlier somehow, I apologise, truly, I do. I have nothing against the Changed, or werewolves in general, and I've spent my entire life human and I'd really like to die that way, too, not to say that I want to die soon or anything, and _crike_ I'm not saying you're coming for me, just need to let you know that I don't want conflict with anyone and- and-" He swallowed his tongue.

The man was taken back. "No harm?" he said hesitantly. "While I can make no promises about letting you perish human, I apologise, myself. I wasn't altogether this morning. I'm Edwin."

"Merlin." He was extremely proud of himself for not stuttering then.

"The famous radio Wizard," Edwin nodded to himself mostly. "You stand corrected, however, that there is a far greater reason for you to Change. One that I didn't realise was so massive." He stared at Merlin in something akin to awe, but made Merlin's skin crawl. The glint in his eyes might have been close to hunger.

"Do you normally go around radio stations looking for victims?" Merlin bit out, becoming defensive a little too late. "It must be painstaking to stalk them and somehow _know_ when they're needing a ride and their mate's late."

"I'm thankful to my pack's Seer," Edwin laughed. "As for the radio station victims, there was only you; I heard you this morning, different than normal. I knew I had to Change you myself, I just wasn't aware of this potential hidden within you."

Oh, it was definitely hunger in his gaze, now.

"_What the fuck does_-"

"And if I don't Change you, who will?"

Merlin had little time to react to a transforming wolf leaping at him straight out the window, but he dodged underneath Edwin's massive, open maw and roll away from the beast. The werewolf landed, slowly turning towards him. Edwin was sandy, like his hair color (they usually are), and stood to Merlin's belt, completely animal.

Not everyone had a Reaction, a defect during the bite of the Change. They were sometimes fatal, and but Reactions were becoming increasingly common. Some argued that these were results from hormones in the food, the same way teens were maturing too quickly, but instead of eating, the danger was passing on the werewolf gene without being born into it. Hence the new laws to preserve the diminishing human race.

There were a list of known Reactions, from merely changing physical appearances to running away with wild wolves. Death was a possible option, as was turning into a half-human, half-wolf-like-monster, and out-of-Moon transformations- which Edwin must have gained in his Reaction, which was very much unfortunate for Merlin, who definitely couldn't match speed against a wolf.

He scrambled backwards, his hands searching wildly for some sort of weapon to appear under him like in the films. Gravel scuffled to taunt him. Edwin edged nearer, buying his time as he circled around, until he found fit to lunge, snarling and barring three inch fangs.

His knees kept the distance that saved him from being bitten, and he swung at the wolf, avoiding the mouth but aiming for the throat. The adrenaline coursing through him didn't pay heed to the scratches he was getting, just _fightfightfightsurvive!_

Familiar breaks came to a sudden stop, and distracted Merlin just for a second, screaming, "_WILL!_" The relief weakened his hold against the thrashing Edwin. The wolf bit angrily at the air right in front of Merlin's nose, and Merlin shifted his leg to aim a proper kick in the wolf's gut, but

"MERLIN!"

it took that one little give for the werewolf to lunge forward and sink his teeth into Merlin's shoulder, so close to his jugular.

Merlin screamed, fury- agony- he screamed loud, hands reaching to do some sort of damage in return. He grabbed Edwin's loose skin, and pulled, and shoved, and- and- Will was yanking the wolf from him straight from his snarled muzzle, removing his teeth from the puncture holes. Merlin's opposite hand clamped over the wound, gushing blood, and he honestly tried to roll over, to help Will who couldn't shift out of the Moon's cycle, but-

But the world tilted, his heart speeding up, skipping beats, his brain- vision- concentration feeling exactly like a photo shutter, and he knew he screamed again, and- _and this is much worse than everything I've read about Changing_, he thought in between pulses of pain. There was a loud whimper of pain that he tried to focus on, but couldn't; the saliva seeped deeper into his tissue and changed his very core. He was Changing.

Merlin didn't know how long he lied there withering on the ground, trying to calm his heart rate, but Will's hand was on him suddenly, wet with blood. The copper smell made Merlin's stomach roll, but he still reached for it, wanting to shove it in his mouth and grind his teeth on something other than his own tongue.

"Merlin! Merlin- are ya- oh god, Merl, Merlin-" Will gripped his arm, laid him flat, as much as he would turn. "Merlin, Merlin- you're Reacting, you're having a Reaction, Merl-"

"No, no, no, nonononononono..." he groaned in reply. His shoulder was _on absolute fire_.

"- mate, we need ta get you- no, no, Merl, mate, stay _awake!_" Will slapped him, and Merlin stared up at him in shock. "We need ta get ya to a hospital, 'kay? Where's your phone- your phone, you goddamn idiot!"

"Pock..."

"Stay 'wake, Merl, ya gotta do that-"

"I can't, Will- Will, I'm- I've... _wolf_-"

"_You'll be fine, just don't ya bloody shut your eyes, damn you!_"

Merlin laughed with a raw throat, hysterical. "I- I can't die, Will- I've got- got a Destiny..." And with that statement, he was able to soothe an inner turmoil that was raging against the darkness edging around his vision and fall into the void.

/ - / - / - / *** / - / - / - /

_There was a time when he walked by these woods without a thought. Now he stopped by for every scent he passed; he hadn't been here, though he smelled those who have come long before him. Weeks... Months, even. He'd need to check back there again._

_It was a quieter night, especially so far from the city, so the birds and the gaining wind and how it rustles through the pine distracted him easily. There was a stream deeper in the woods, he can smell the run off, hear the trickling, but he didn't dare tread further in in bashfulness. There had been howling. There are wolves nearby._

_Occasionally, the wolves traveled close by to where he could hear the pack move together, scuffling, stopping to howl. It was a wonderful sound, and he wanted to tilt his head toward the sky and give an answering call of his own. He wasn't feeling too shy anymore; the wolves had gotten him excited, joyful, and perhaps maybe they would let him join the hunt._

_He called out, howled to the sky, no moon in sight. He asked. He needed their permission, or should he run._

_The pack came closer, he could smell them now. No more than eight, no less than five. They were coming toward him, a short howl being returned. It told him to stay where he was at the edge of the wood._

_When the seven of them stood at entrance of the wood, he could only stare in amazement. That was a pack? A magnificent pack it was, all tall and broad, coats groomed. Two crept forward, and one watched their movement carefully. The Alpha- he realised quickly. The two sniffed and danced around him, then one began snarling, and he shrunk back._

_Please, he said. Let me hunt the night with you. I want the company. I've been so alone._

_The Alpha was quick to answer, and howled sharply. The others echoed him, making a chorus of a haunted wolf song. Keep up, they'd said, and the pack began its trek, finding deer by the dozens._

_And he tried, he honestly did, but they were much faster than he. And he fell behind._

_And he was left behind._

_When he howled, there was no reply._

/ - / - / - / *** / - / - / - /


	2. Chapter 2

**Surrender; Destiny's Waiting**  
-Merlin fanfiction  
_by Steamcraft_

* * *

_The moon let slip another mere mortal, contorting away the beast that lie in waiting. His howl ended as a yell, a cry in the open sky, that trailed off in a conscious remembrance he was alone. With the moon as his launch pad, he dived head first toward the pushing tides._

_One caught Merlin's wrist, a fluke. Then, as he continued to fall, Merlin fell, twisting and becoming entangled in a hammock of strings. Long lines of cords of all sorts: yarn, thread, wire, silk, hair. All of them red, or of some variation. Crimson, pink, maroon, bright neon red... Merlin reached for one of these wrapping around his body but it snaked from his fingers, unwinding and leaving. He went for another, a sharp wire, and cut his hand as it zipped out of his grasp. He was lucky it didn't slice through him._

_He kept falling, slowly, until he tried all of the lines touching him. They all left, eventually, just an outsider's view of what was around him, until Merlin finally had enough, didn't want to see the waves close over his head, and called out, reached out with his blood-wet hand for something to hold on to - something to catch him and give him a little faith in this bleak world._

_A single white ribbon caught between his fingers, and Merlin swung his other hand around to keep a firm grip on his line. It wasn't going anywhere, and warmed at his touch if anything. His blood was seeping into the stark-white innocence of the ribbon, tainting it a bright, true red. Not dark, how Merlin was expecting. He hung there a moment in silent observation, before a gentle tug came from the ribbon. He held on fast, not letting a chance for this line to escape from him._

_The tug came again, and it felt more coaxing than struggling. The redness began to spread further in one direction, away from the web of red lines not meant for him. A resigned sigh, and Merlin swung his body to follow the red that carried on like a guide._

_There was nothing particularly unique about the ribbon. It was made from a fake silk material that reminded Merlin of the dress his mother wore sometimes; he liked it a lot, as it reminded him of the times his father took his mother out for dinner in memories that were more like childhood dreams than anything nostalgic._

_A few times Merlin passed a thready spot, in which he would look at the ribbon hesitantly, questioning its strength, before steeling himself and continuing on with a new air of determination. Some scorches, a few rips in the fabric, but the ribbon continued to hold Merlin through._

_The tugging became frequent, an encouragement. Excitement. Once or twice, Merlin tugged back in answer, and the redness spread onwards in a rush, giddy, and Merlin could see up ahead the destination, a ledge. Land. After a little more time, he reached the end, reached out to grab the cliff, and a strong hand reached out to meet his and held on tight._

_Merlin, shocked, looked up._

/ - / - / - / *** / - / - / - /

He opened his eyes, and all at once really wished he hadn't. Merlin thought he might have passed out again from the sensory overload, but it was too bright to escape to any sort of welcoming darkness. He was very aware of the people in room, one voice belonging to his mother (it was very hard to ignore the chattering noises around, not even in the same room, _crike_ did everyone suddenly develop labored breathing, or that normal intakes of air at a max volume of an infinity decibels?), aware of his stale stench, and his mother's, and aware that he wouldn't be able to speak with a tongue that felt swollen and leathery. Merlin's head flared in pain when he shifted. Touch was no better; everything itched or was too heavy.

Merlin collapsed against the pillows with a pitiful noise he barely managed to make.

"Merlin? Baby?" His mother's voice was strident and like a blare horn. He felt her touch his arm, and he flinched away.

"'_ease..._" Merlin whimpered.

Another hand touched him, fingers feeling his pulse while something cold pressed against his temple. Merlin cried out when a blood pressure cuff began to tighten around his arm, the nerves so sensitive that his limb began jerking. The hand held it down, and he curled his fingers tightly to prevent wanting to move.

"Please hold still," a nurse said. "Your doctor will be here in just a moment."

"It might be best for us to wait outside, Hunith." That was Kilhan, who spoke in quieter tones than the rest of them, but it was still too loud. "Waking up is pure torture the first time, and until the Full Moon comes again he'll be very sensitive to practically everything. He'll be here still, come on."

Merlin could hear her hesitate, sense her near the foot of the hospital bed. "Can we come back in later?" she asked the nurse aid, her voice wobbly. Anything, Merlin wanted to say, just get out of here soon.

"There shouldn't be a problem with it."

"Do you need the light to work?" Kilhan asked as he paused at the door.

"Go ahead." And with an echoing click that made Merlin think of bones snapping, the light became just bearable enough to squint his eyes open. The blinds that screened the windows might not have even been there, Merlin judged and compared the differences of Before and After; the streetlamp made his mother's face almost too bright to look at, but he tried for a quick smile at her concern. It felt more like a snarl.

Kilhan shut the door almost silently, and Merlin let out a sigh of relief he hadn't realised he was holding; his mother's body spray, which was always a familiar and comforting scent, drove him mad. It was just _too much_, overwhelming, he realised with her outside the room. Her breathing was distressing, and Kilhan's voice – a whispery baritone, made Merlin's teeth clench.

The nurse was moving as quietly as she could while she finished taking his blood pressure and left the room. When Kilhan and Hunith didn't enter again, Merlin relaxed further. No distraction of something else flailing around on his senses. He closed his eyes against the streetlight, tried to tune out the few hospital-at-night noises and swallowed thickly.

Merlin's head thrummed, pulsed a migraine, but most of all he _ached_. Nothing had ever hurt like this, skin feeling too tight, head going to explode from the hyper-sensitivity, and bones hurting down to the core. Merlin scrunched his eyes tightly and whimpered as he tried to let go of sensation, try to breathe evenly.

Belatedly, he realised his shoulder was on fire, itched, and flared with pain with each shift of fabric. He slowly lifted his arm to press against it and an unexpected gasp was wrenched out of him from the hurt.

- _teeth clamped hard, the burn of saliva, tighter on his shoulder –_

Changed, Merlin thought idly, gripping his wrapped shoulder. He let that sink in for a moment, then gripped tighter enough to make him sob.

Damn wolf, damn that phone call, damn this mess. Merlin took a long moment to move into a sitting position, and a roiling rage made his stomach hurt. He was angry, suddenly so angry and hurt and feeling so overcome with hatred that when he opened his eyes, he willed it to be dark and it was.

Merlin blinked in surprise, staring at the darkened window. The lamppost outside blew out in a bursting shower of sparks. A police car came moments later, siren silent, lights flashing. He didn't do that. He couldn't have done that. The machine copying his heart rate sped slightly.

The door opened, making Merlin switch his attention to the large man coming in. He wore a lab coat, and flashed him a smile. "Hello, I'm Dr. Perce Conway, your lycanologist. I'll keep the light off for comfort sake." He spoke quieter than Kilhan, barely even whispering. His scent was that of a werewolf, a natural wild _aura_. It wasn't anything like smelling an odor, but Merlin didn't have anything to hold it against.

When Merlin didn't so much as nod, the doctor asked with concern, "You can relax if you need to. Are you feeling alright?"

"What do you think," Merlin snapped. Perce paused slightly, looking at him, before sitting himself in a chair.

"Merlin, I understand that you are mad—"

"I didn't want this, that's for sure."

"Not everyone does, but its happened and there's no way to go back," Perce stated firmly, calmly. Merlin bit his lip painfully, glaring at the blankets in his lap. He won't ever be human again, and it's a fact that he will have to get over, he knew, but it felt _so wrong_. "Now, Merlin… Are you aware of the date?"

"No," he said sourly.

"Its February, the twenty-third."

Merlin looked at him, shocked. "I've been out of it for nearly six months?" Not only was he waking in a new year, but his birthday was last month. He was twenty-five now. The doctor nodded.

"Apparently you've had a nasty Reaction," he explained. "The more abilities you will be having as a werewolf, the longer your body needs to rest. I was informed that you are part of a Destiny by your family's Seer, but that will be the start of them. Have you felt any numbness, or have any strange or just odd thoughts you wouldn't call your own?"

"I feel like I've been hit by a fucking comet," he groused. "Lights are too bright, sounds too loud, my tongue is the strangest thing I've ever had in my mouth, and there's too much starch in the hospital gowns. Everything's abnormal right now, Dr. Conway."

A small smile lifted Perce's mouth. "That's to be expected until your first Moon, but we'll supply you with some available herbs until your new therapist makes adjustments."

Merlin shook his head carefully to not bother his shoulder. He had his grandfather who made the tinctures. No need for prescribed medicines, or a therapist to help him when Kilhan was around. Then there was his mother, there to help with what he couldn't think of. Instead of explaining this, he asked, "When can I go home?"

Perce was surprised. "We were planning after your first Moon-"

"When is that?"

He hesitated slightly. "The Full was just two nights ago."

"I'm not staying here a near month," Merlin said sharply. "I'm leaving in the morning. Against medical advice, I don't care, whatever. I want to go home. Laying here doing nothing for six months, I have a job and a life I need to go back to."

The doctor had something grim set in his expression. "I can't keep you, that's true, but it has been six months; I'm surprised to see you sitting up. You haven't moved much."

"I hurt a bit," huge lie, slap his wrists, so what, "but I will walk out of this hospital if I need to."

Perce didn't look convinced. "We'll see in the morning. I'm supposed to call the station when you awake so the inspectors can get a statement, but we'll wait until tomorrow. Hopefully before you discharge, we'll be able to find more of what your Reactions are, as well. Congratulations of your Destiny, by the way."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "I've got a future engagement, hurrah." Something odd crossed Perce's face, but didn't say anything. He yawned, even if he felt wide awake. "Is there anything else...?"

Dr. Conway stood slowly. "One of the nurses will be in later to up your meds. Are you okay?"

A shrug, and Merlin hissed in remembrance: "Yeah, one thing. Do you know any Edwins?"

Perce grimaced. "Was that the name of the werewolf who attacked you?"

"They didn't find-"

"I'm afraid your case is still open, Merlin, from what we last heard. I know of one, but..." His gaze became unfocused. Merlin wondered how the doctor knew his case was open; weren't hospital and force matters separate? "Give the officers your statement in the morning, alright? Sleep well."

He said as if it was likely. Merlin groaned and lied carefully back down on the bed, watching the red and blue flashes on the walls of his hospital room, until exhaustion finally shut down his mind.

* * *

The morning brought the sun and a mass of people, both which Merlin could have cared less for. Kilhan made a kind gesture of bringing sunglasses and earplugs, but they didn't deaden much of those senses and the medicine the nurses gave him more or less only numbed the want to cringe away.

Lance came in as soon as two officers – one Met, one SFU – left around midafternoon, and proceeded to slap him across the head. Gwen, behind him, didn't look any less pleased but more relieved that he was okay.

"All you have to do is hit send, eh?" Lance growled. Merlin shrank against the pillows unwittingly; Lance was thrumming with pissed off parental-authority, Merlin could smell it, and if he were in a wolf-form he imagined his ears would be lying flat on his head. "The wrath of your mother isn't any better; I was horrified when she contacted me."

Gwen nodded firmly. "Don't ever, _ever_ think that we won't stop anything to make sure that our friend's safety is assured. That's rather selfish of you, Merlin. In a way, I mean." Merlin swallowed at her words, feeling a hot prickle of embarrassment on the back of his neck. He nodded silently.

After a long moment, Merlin finally spoke, "Who's Gwaine?" The radio station had a new voice on it when he flicked it on earlier.

"He's a member of my pack looking for some money," Lance explained. Hearing Merlin's unspoken question, he said, "Don't think you're off the hook, though; we want you back a week after your first Moon. Some of your listeners are worried about you."

"Did..." Merlin gritted his teeth in a flash of anger. "Did that werewolf ever call back?"

"No, but I know the people working on it," he replied vaguely. "I'll try to get some details."

Gwen wrung her hands. "You shouldn't obsess over it, though, Merlin," she said quietly.

"Oh, sorry, didn't realise I shouldn't be hoping that psycho is behind bars," Merlin snapped at her. Lance frowned, and Merlin felt the urge to apologise, but he couldn't he was so _angry_. His skin prickled as if the hair was standing on its end and his palms itched with heat.

"That's not what I mean," she said with an edge in her voice, eyes narrowed. "You should be focusing on getting out of here and getting better, so let the police do their job. They'll get him."

"So lie back and do nothing, yeah?" Merlin growled, "If I think back to that night, I can imagine his scent even if I couldn't smell it with my nose then. Its been _six months_, Gwen, and the SFU wasn't able to track him? He was _bleeding_, he would have left _a trail_, and if the sorcerers in the SFU couldn't find any trace-"

"What makes you think you could?" she returned sharply, and she ignored Lance's quiet warning. "And other than the obvious, I understand why you're put off, but you knew it was going to happen, the Changing. You're angry that you couldn't avoid it."

"Guinevere-"

The door slammed shut. Lance and Gwen looked over their shoulders, just as the window gave a splinting sound and burst inwards, showering the room in glass shards. In a quick second, Lance had Gwen underneath him and shielded by the far end of the bed. Merlin was dusted by small pieces of glass, but watched with horror in his wide eyes until the tinkling stopped.

The machine next to him beeped his accelerated heart rate, and he met Lance's wary gaze.

All of a sudden, the door opened and in came Dr. Conway, a nurse, his mother, and Gaius. Perce looked from the window to the people in the room, and rushed forward to help Lance and Gwen off the floor. Merlin stared, throat tight.

"All right?"

"Baby, what-" Hunith made to come to him, but his grandfather caught her elbow, watching Merlin with an unrecognizable look.

Merlin felt dizzy, and he wasn't sure if that was from the adrenaline or if he was hyperventilating. He wanted to get out, walk - _hell_- run away, he wanted the ground beneath his feet, and he knew if he kept going pass the outer city, there was a wild wood that had wolves and, and...

he would run wild with them.

A light shined in his eyes, stunning him, before he wrenched his face out of Perce's hand to press the heels of his hands against his eyes. "_Dammit_," he hissed. When Merlin looked back up, he noticed with surprise that he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

Guinevere and his mother had left the room. Merlin felt a cold wash of shame.

"Is she okay?" he asked Lance quietly, unable to meet his eyes.

"She's fine, you know her," he replied mildly. "Just a shock."

"Another Reaction," Gaius noted needlessly. "Telekinesis." The more popular word was _sorcery_ or _magic_ with the younger generations, and what made the Special Forces Unit members so special. Most Changed with the sorcery Reaction went on to control their new power and work with the SFU.

Merlin didn't say anything, feeling small and achy.

To his surprise, Lance addressed his doctor. "Perce, do you think we can get Morgana? Merlin... Merlin's a close friend to me and Gwen; I want to keep this within the pack, if possible, especially if it's about them." Merlin looked between the two werewolves, the two packmates.

Perce was watching Merlin. "She does have an opening in her schedule," he said thoughtfully.

"Who is his assigned lycantherapist?"

"The hospital had listed Algain, but..." he trailed, sharing a glance with Lance. "I'll try to get Arthur, but I don't know if they'll let us with a biased opinion."

"If you wouldn't mind," Gaius cut in with his raised, suspicious eyebrow, "to explain what you're talking about. You said '_them_.'"

Lance grimaced. "We can't go into detail."

"Then give us an _idea_," the older man stressed. "You're wanting to go through some extra precautions it sounds like, and precautions for _what_, exactly?"

"Merlin's almost like my brother, I want to make sure he's getting the best help possible," he paused, "and best protection. Like I said, I can't go into detail, but if this is the same Edwin we believe it to be, then we have to question why he attacked Merlin."

Merlin's mouth opened with a tacky sound. "I.. I remember what he said, that his pack's Seer told him where I was, and... and how "different" I sounded, like it was just a matter of time..." His head spun. "Lance, you said that the, the Essetir pack caused the majority of the attacks this year, could it be-"

"It's the possibility we're thinking," he answered darkly.

"Edwin is a sorcerer," Perce said. "That would have helped him escape, not to mention if he had help from his packmates."

Shakily, Merlin put his feet on the floor, and grasped the bedside table for support. "I'm going home before I meet any of these people, or I'm going to go crazy in here and make a dash to the woods." It sounded crazy to say, but it gave a hint of peace to his hurting.

"Get off that train of thought," Perce said immediately. "If you need to go home to calm down, we'll let you, but stay in sight of someone. What you're hinting at is called Wolfwalking; those before their first shift would allow the werewolf genes to take over completely and practically become a wolf."

Merlin froze, staring at his doctor. "How will I be able to stop it?" A dream he had while in his coma-like-state came to the front of his mind. _I dreamed that I was chasing a pack of wolves, trying to belong._

"Don't give up," he said simply. "If you feel like you just want to lay over and go in some kind of trance, or run with the wolves, go to the woods, whatever saying, you'll think it starts to feel like home or the easier choice. Get up, move around, talk to your family, do some work. Whatever you can to stay human."

A sardonic smirk. "But I'm not."

"Not to be political or anything, but there will be a time when werewolves and non-Changed people will fall under the same category as human, because even we have human rights. I'm allowed all my freedoms as a human being, aren't I? The only thing the law has separated differently between us and your grandfather here is that we have protection acts that keep us being singled out with segregation."

Merlin's mouth twisted. He never thought of it that way. They mostly all looked the same, all looked like humans, but there was still that mental block in his mind that separated human from werewolf. He was different, he had different genes, he could be an _animal_ if he let himself. It didn't make sense.

"Sure," he said unconvincingly, to end the conversation. "Can I get my clothes?"

/ - / - / - / *** / - / - / - /

The first thing Merlin did when he got home was climb out of his window. When they had pulled up close to the house, Merlin had realised he completely forgotten about Will. How was he? Will couldn't shift out of cycle, and he'd put himself in danger against Edwin, was he okay?

He walked carefully on the shingles, his balance shaky. As he was making out of the hospital, Perce had said it would straighten out; as his ears are rather sensitive, so would his balance. It still made Merlin hesitate a moment before leaping the two-foot distance to the other sill. Merlin landed in a crouch to regain his balance, feeling a little dizzy still. The medicine the nurses injected him with eased his headache, but it wouldn't last too long.

Merlin stood and pushed open the window they've broken the locks to a long time ago.

A badly placed lamp on an unexpectedly placed desk fell; Merlin cringed but didn't hear the bulb shatter, at least.

He knelt on the windowsill, peering into Will's bedroom. It was as if he was looking into a completely different home. There was charcoal carpet where there once was old wood flooring that came with the house, new furniture that looked too expensive for either Will or Freya's taste, and who would ever paint their walls red? Doors had been placed on the hinges of the closet when Will had liked it open.

"Will? Freya?" Merlin called out hesitantly, sniffing the air. It became a real easy habit to pick up, as it told him more than he thought was actually around him, even with his eyes closed. He figured he know understood the phrase of following his nose.

But Will's bedroom didn't smell anything Merlin remembered of Will, cheap soap and pizza dough, or of Freya, wildflower. It smelled new - like _new car_, new - and mint clean, and there was a subtle heavy scent of something musky and permanent. Merlin frowned at that (permanent?), ran the choice of word through his head.

The word '_Territory_' rang like an alarm, made him alert and fidgety now that he knew he was truly out of place and trespassing in a new werewolf's home.

"Shite," he muttered under his breath. He looked around the room once more before backing away carefully and crossing the ledges to the safety of his bedroom. Merlin reckoned he'd need a lock for his window now. He searched through his pockets for his phone and finally turned it on for the first time in six months. He felt thankful for his mother, for keeping up with his bills.

His phone alerted him of missed phone calls, text messages and voicemails, the majority of them from Will and Freya.

_Dunno when ull c this, but pendragon's moved 2 close. I talked 2 freya about it and we r going 2 move by the end of this month with mith n pack. call me when u r awake._

"_Merl, mate. Doctors said you weren't gon'a die, so when ya get this we need to talk. Wake the hell up and get back with me pronto! Anyway, I'll see ya, mate._"

"_Heya, Merlin, Freya here, giving you a voice to wake up to. We miss you, call us when you're better, okay? I'll be delivering next month, I think..!_"

_"Merl! Oh my god, its amazing, Merl, I'm a father, oh my god I'm actually a dad! Two of 'em, oh my god, they're wonderful and healthy and beautiful! A girl – we named her Cadi, then her brother Kent, after her grandda. You gotta see 'em, mate, come over sometime, 'kay?_"

Merlin tossed the phone on his bed before following it carefully, stuffing his head under the pillow with a low noise. He wasn't going to think that he was "giving up", but he really needed sign to point him in the right direction; until he met his new therapist (or therapists? Did he need one for the sorcery?) or until his first shift as a werewolf, was he supposed to stumble along in misery? It wasn't right, or fair, because he was just Merlin, a radio DJ, and his life wasn't supposed to get any more exciting than getting the feedback to a new single being on the air for the first time.

Okay, so he was feeling a bit melodramatic, and _still_ felt angry at what Gwen had said. Changing was something he _had_ tried avoiding, because he liked how he was. Merlin never differed from that view as a child, and tried not to talk about it lightly like some people did who thought it was the new thing. It was hinted at him throughout his life that he had a Destined mate, and he always knew that one day his life would be…_Changed_.

He supported the werewolf community, just didn't find himself being a part of it.

With a final sigh, Merlin willed himself to calm down and relax and hopefully sleep the rest of the day away.

* * *

In retrospect, Merlin should have realised that _recovery _wasn't going to be daises and sunshine.

The next day, early morning by what his phone flashed at him, he felt like he'd been run over by a freight train, four-hundred-and-sixty of its cars, and left for dead. Finding he can't breathe through his nose, Merlin dragged himself painfully into awareness. A dog barked outside, and it was the equivalence to a blow horn right in his ear. He groaned and rolled over ever so slowly to hide his head under the pillow again, but every wrinkle in the sheets and his clothes was a cactus pine. Merlin whimpered and opened his eyes very carefully, then immediately regretted it: he would sell his soul for the sun to burn out right at that moment. Being completely off the morphine brought a whole new level of pain.

"Crike," he breathed, and even that sounded like he'd been put on an amp. If Merlin thought first waking was horrible at the hospital, he was now grateful for drugs and wondered if his grandfather could make a similar substance.

"Long night?"

Despite every fiber of his being protesting every breath he took, Merlin shot up in bed and worked his eyes open, using a hand as a shield from the sun pouring in the open window, which made his shoulder ache like the devil. His eyes watered and weren't very helpful in trying to see. His head began to throb from over-sensitivity, and Merlin gave up trying to see the man and listened to every shuffle he made at the foot of the bed.

"Haven't you heard of using the front door?" Merlin asked balefully.

"I could ask you the same," his neighbor, familiar in voice, said good naturedly, and Merlin groaned sufferingly; he should invest in earplugs for the rest of his life. The pair he wore home fell out during sleep. "Do you make habits of intruding your neighbors' bedrooms?"

"Can you perhaps talk quieter? Like, _this quiet_," he barely even said. "It was a mistake, I'm sorry. That used to be my best mate's house, and I didn't realise he'd move until I saw the room."

Merlin heard the amusement in his neighbor's voice, not once toning down. "Some best mate you are."

"I was hospitalised, man, give me a break."

"Damaged liver?"

"Wha- _no_, you ars-" He heard his neighbor choke on a laugh, and Merlin flushed in embarrassment. This was not the sort of impression he wanted to make. Climbing into his window wasn't the sort of impression he wanted, either, but that wasn't his fault. "Oh, god, ignore me, I'm in pain. I'm usually not like this, insulting people I meet."

"No, seriously, how much fun did you have last night?"

"This might be the reason why I don't drink at all," Merlin grumbled more or less to himself. "Uhm, can you do me a favor and on that hanging shelf over there, there's some aspirin, can you toss me the bottle?" The man didn't reply and took his time reaching the wall with the shelf on it. Merlin wished he could open his eyes to at least see what he looked like. After a quiet moment, his neighbor got the bottle down and turned it over in his hand; the pills shook at the movement.

He heard the bottle being thrown before his neighbor said, "Think fast!" Merlin almost missed the pills completely by how noisy they were and how fast they were thrown, but he caught the container hard in both hands. His palms stung. The man made a sound of acknowledgement. "Changed? Your scent is very weak, still morphing about."

"Out of the hospital yesterday," he replied before contemplating dry swallowing the entire bottle. He fished three out instead. "I'm Merlin Emrys."

"Ah! So you are the Wizard Lance has told me about! Gwaine Strong, at your service," and his feet shuffled a little, and to his credit he spook much softer. Merlin was imagining a little bow being performed, and he grinned despite himself.

"The packmate short on some cash, I thought I recognized your voice. Nice to meet you, Gwaine," Merlin replied. "You know, when I first smelled the markings in your room, I thought you'd be a territorial arsehole."

Gwaine laughed in a surprised burst of laughter, hard and straight from the gut. Merlin clapped his hands tight over his ears and waited for him to calm down. "Oh my god, I'm sorry, oh, ha-hahaha! That's the funniest thing I've heard all week."

"Being called a territorial arsehole is funny?"

"No," Gwaine snickered deviously, "You calling my Alpha a territorial arsehole is fucking hilarious. That's his room across the alley."

Merlin bit his tongue. "Oh, damn, there goes my mouth again-"

"No, you got Arthur down to a tee." Arthur, wasn't he to be his therapist if Perce got his way? Merlin played with the thought of saying Aglain would be just fine.

"Er, he's not pissed about the lamp, is he?"

"He was livid," Gwaine informed, cheery. "Was. I said it was me, but I don't think he believed me; he's got a pretty good nose, no matter how much mint he has in his room." He chuckled. "Listen, I gotta get going, Merlin. That asprin's not going to kick in, just to let you know, so make sure you talk to your doctor about getting some herbs. Your new therapist might sell some, but they're getting finicky lately about what's considered _natural_ herbs."

Merlin groaned and collapsed against the bed, tossing the bottle onto the floor. "Greaaat. Thanks. I'll be seeing you then?"

"Definitely, but I promise to knock on the front door next time," he said and crossed to the window. "Have a good day!"

"Bye..." Merlin replied without heart. "Urrrgh..." He slowly rolled over and literally crawled out of bed, squinting his eyes against the sun. "Worst day _ever_."

Somehow, he stripped out of his outermost clothes, found the pair of sunglasses and his expensive silencing earphones and made his way down stairs to hope for the survival of his fifth sense. If he couldn't eat, the Merlin might as well starve.

Kilhan didn't make a comment over the newspaper, but Merlin felt the need to give a warning glare at him, anyway. His mother was cooking bacon, he inspected as he got closer, even if he absolutely could not smell or breathe with his nose at all. He laid his chin on her shoulder, making a pitiful noise.

"Feeeeeed meeeee, Muuuuuum."

"You would starve without me, wouldn't you?" she asked softly, fondly, and Merlin was reminded of the conversation they had before his last day of work. It seemed as if he wasn't the only one, he noticed, as he watched her expression turned forlorn and sad.

"I'm sorry, Mum."

"Hush, baby," she chided, patting his cheek. "None of this was your fault. We all knew it was going to happen, didn't we? We just didn't take the easiest route." There was a point when Merlin was growing up that Kilhan had offered to Change him, but Gaius and Hunith were point blank against it, wanting him to live a 'normal' life as long as possible, but "no offense".

_Kilhan had shaken his head. "None taken, Hunith, I was merely trying to spare him from several roads I rather him not take."_

He said nothing, listening to the bacon sizzle. "I scared you yesterday, didn't I. At the hospital, being able to smash the window."

Hunith put down her turning fork before turning around and embracing him tightly. Even if it felt too tight, Merlin didn't push her off, and returned it just as fiercely. "No, Merlin. That was the least of my scares," she said, her throat sounding choked. "I rather have you awake doing strange and new things than staying asleep and leaving me wondering when you'll wake up."

"Mum…" he tried.

"Quiet for a moment," she said, half teasing. "Let me hold you for a while."

And the shocking revelation to Merlin was that this was the first time he felt his mother hug him in six months.

* * *

Later that day, Hunith stood in front of the fridge with her arms crossed, staring her son down who was currently stuffing a clean tissue up his nose after it started bleeding an hour ago. Gaius had come home with earplugs and an herbal mixture that was to be brewed in tea to help his headache. It ended up spewed in the sink with no lessening effects to his head.

The bacon from breakfast immediately ended up in the garbage, as did the toast and eggs and coffee and cereal. He had given up on breakfast, then waited for lunch, and nothing tasted right, nothing tasted like it should; Merlin gagged on the floury taste in bread, choked on the fatty flavor in cold cuts, and fruits were too tart or too sweet, and when he thought a _banana_ was safe, well obviously it wasn't.

He went through half of the fridge, with Kilhan smirking slightly from the other room. He knew the older Changed was very amused by the whole situation when Merlin wasn't being a downright angst novel. He had even said himself earlier: "If four-out-of-five of your senses were out of sorts, what made you think your _taste buds_ were any safer?"

"No more," she said sternly. "I just went shopping the day before last, and you're just throwing everything away, anyway. Either ask Kilhan or call Lance to ask what you should do. Gaius is almost done with some more remedies, so you know."

"His phone's off," Merlin simpered, refusing to go to Kilhan just yet and not wanting to think about vile herb tastes. "You know that, he's at the station." His stomach clenched in hunger, so in turn he clawed at his stomach. "Nothing's tasting right, or I don't know what I'm hungry for, and I really, really think you picked up some bad milk. Please, Mum? Will you let your only child starve in his time of need?"

She pursed her lips, but her gaze softened. "The milk is fine, but we'll try something simple and light, okay? Broth."

"Vegetable broth?"

"Vegetable broth." His mother moved from the fridge and warmed up the stovetop again.

When it was done, it still didn't set exactly right on his stomach and tasted like crud, but Merlin choked it down anyway; as his mother used to say, it's better than nothing. Sort of.

* * *

Kilhan was found in the usual lounge, in his usual chair, reading a familiar leather bound novel. Merlin was too big to sit on anyone's lap, but he still waited to be noticed before talking.

The older man closed his book and laid it upon the table next to him, his eyes flicking over Merlin expectantly, and said before Merlin could speak and left him frozen, "There were many worse outcomes than what happened to you. I had Seen the death of William Ealdorn in that fight. I had Seen Edwin Muirden following Lance du Lac in his vehicle and causing an accident that would have left your friend in a coma, you paralyzed, and the police no closer in finding the werewolf that caused it.

"If you had walked home, I foresaw an attack on not just you, but your mother and grandfather and myself. You might have not gone into work that day, called off, but you would have crossed paths with another member of his pack and would have ended your future permanently just later that day. Or, had you not wished to go to the corner store for Hunith, then the next week you would have met a real monster of the Essetir family, met your Destiny, and died in their arms in the same day without knowing their importance to you."

Kilhan paused, watching the young werewolf with a near haughty look, and finally Merlin sucked in a shuddering breath that left him shaken.

"Shall I go on, Merlin?"

"No, but—"

"Stop this, you foolish boy," Kilhan said tersely, and Merlin snapped his maw shut. "You wanted a 'normal life', whatever that is, and you think you can't have it anymore? You don't think you are living one now? There are plenty of people that would just manage to yawn at your existence; they would be so bored to walk in your shoes. There is nothing different, young Merlin; you only have to give yourself what you want."

"And what should I want?" Merlin asked, feeling like he was finally given answers he desperately needed to know.

Golden eyes stared at him, looking at him with as much secret wisdom as kindness. What Kilhan knew to what Merlin didn't could fill books, and Merlin could have started reading and he wouldn't be able to finish them in this lifetime.

"Happiness, I believe, is what people usually want." Kilhan smiled gently. "You reap what you sow, isn't that the saying?"

Merlin stayed quiet as he went and sat down in another armchair, mulling this over. It didn't change his outlook, wanting to be human, but it eased some tension from his shoulders. From the list of outcomes Kilhan gave him, this was definitely the least of his worries, wasn't it? He had his mother, grandfather, closest friends – Will was alive with babies to take care of – and he had a job he enjoyed, house over his head, and food to fill his (currently protesting) stomach.

He was pretty damn lucky, all things considering. Merlin cast his gaze to the floor, feeling once again ashamed with himself. Despite being Changed, he was practically living the same life he had before the attack.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, and belatedly wondered if his attitude had offended his long family friend. "Its just… it was quite sudden, you know?"

"I could have warned you," Kilhan nodded, "but knowing what I know would have been just as chance-taking. I'm glad you came to this point, and would not tell you, still, if I had another opportunity."

In another moment of quiet, Merlin glanced at the older man from the corner of his eye, before very unsubtly asking, "What can you tell me about Edwin or the Essetir pack?"

But with that, Kilhan picked up his book, opened it to the page he was on, and said, "You'll find out in enough time, if you keep seeking the answers with your newfound resources."

"What resources?"

"There are a whole variety of roads to choose from now, Merlin, if you're so persistent on that trek. Happiness end in many of those outcomes, surprisingly, but I'm not too sure about _normal_," he stressed the word as if it was a term he couldn't even begin to understand. Merlin stood and went to the door, finding no real answer any longer in Kilhan's favorite pastime of riddling.

"But who wants that?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Surrender; Destiny's Waiting**  
-Merlin fanfiction_  
__by Steamcraft_

* * *

_The red ribbon was wrapped around them in a loose spiral._

_Together, they stood back to back in a moonlit grove where they both were trying to look over their shoulders to know who stood behind them. When Merlin turned his head to the other shoulder, so had the stranger. Regardless to how loose the ribbon was wound, or how frustrating it was to not see the person's face, it never came across their minds to just simply turn around._

_The body heat between them was comfortable, from the blades of their shoulders straight down to the bottom of their spines. It was enough to keep Merlin warm, a blanket from the cold light of the moon._

_With the fidgeting, Merlin's fingers brushed against the hand that felt familiar. Familiar in the way that the first few notes of one song reminds him of another. He's held this hand before, he realised vaguely. As he thought it, the hand returned the light touches before twisting hesitantly to entwine their fingers together._

_Air left Merlin's lungs in a slow release, and after several hard heartbeats, he inhaled sharply, feeling dizzy and an overwhelming sense of happiness._

_It felt too much like coming home._

* * *

The first week of Merlin's recovery went much like the first two days: painful and full of snar-casm. Perce dropped by with updated prescriptions and hand-written instructions for Gaius on how to alter them for efficiency (it wasn't authorized by the hospital, in other words) which helped Merlin breathe and lessen the headache. He also mentioned that further medication was to come from his therapist. Lance had passed a reishi mushroom soup recipe through Gwen that was able to pass his gag reflex.

Apart from a single cautious look, Gwen was as delightful as ever. Keeping her voice to an all time low, she still chatted joyfully about the station, Elyan, and Lance. From a courtship over the course of eight months (some of those when Merlin was in the hospital), the two lovebirds were finally an official couple. Merlin dry heaved through the sappy parts, avoiding an all-too-normal swat from Gwen, but listened attentively when she began speaking of Lance's pack.

"Morgana is a strange woman," she said with a fondness while they cleaned up the dinner dishes. "She's abrasive and sharp, but she's bold and kind, witty and brilliant. She's the only woman in the pack and it doesn't bother her none; she's just as strong and fast as the rest of them, perhaps stronger with her talent, but she doesn't use it often. She mentioned her last Alpha not liking the gift. You'd like her, Merlin."

Merlin took a plate from her clean pile and dried it with his towel. "She's Changed, as well?"

Gwen shook her head and laid another plate on top. "Pureblooded. The whole pack used to be, she says, until Arthur took over. Morgana hinted at some bitterness and regrets between her brother and herself and their father on the entire issue."

"Why would werewolves have an issue on blood status? That's like a medieval thing."

"Happens in the oldest of families, I suppose. You only have to worry when they start to inbreed," she said. Merlin gave a squicked noise.

"So the telekinesis isn't just a Reaction?"

"Nope," Gwen emptied the sink and picked up another drying towel to help. "I've done a bit of research. It's rather rare to see in offspring from two non-Changed werewolves, but Morgana didn't know her mother's side all too well." Merlin nodded, wondering how long Morgana had been working with her powers. He hadn't been able to tap back into his magic since the scare at the hospital, but felt it dwelling, warm and pulsating, beneath his skin.

Merlin had done a bit of research of his own, as well, looking through online articles that listed different Reactions. A lot of them weren't great by any standard; dying and running away to live with animals was hardly the least of his worries when there were signs of aggressive - or plainly downright frightening - behaviors from those newly Changed. Those who murdered or bit their families and friends when falling into depression. It scared Merlin into smiling a bit more.

Apart from the telekinesis, an article said, telepathy and a number of odd gifts (such as understanding canines, Seeing, and developing a sixth sense) were more common in female Reactors for their natural empathy. Males were usually likely to have physical differences, which included from shifting at will; changes in hair, nail, tooth growth; and the unfortunate circumstance of becoming a half-human / half-werewolf creature.

He might have been counting his lucky stars more gratefully now.

"When is your appointment with Morgana?" Gwen asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Tomorrow, four o'clock. Has Lance said anything about my Lycantherapy?"

She shook her head. "Last I heard, Percy was doing paper work on it. So far its still Aglain, but he's decent from what I hear."

Merlin nodded in acknowledgement. "What do you think about Arthur?"

"I've known him a while now, but I don't know him well in his work," she answered. "He came here about seven, eight years ago while in turfs with his father. He's a great man, very intelligent with good morals; he's what helped Pendragon and kept Morgana from leaving the pack. We kept in touch after he went back, right before we met you." Gwen looked at him with a growing smirk. "If this is about Gwaine and the lamp incident-"

"How could you possibly-"

"A pack is the quickest rumor mill, Merlin," she laughed. Though she herself wasn't part of the pack while just human, Gwen was an extension through Lance, Merlin knew. "Arthur can have a bit of a temper, and he does like his personal space, but he's not going to hold it against you. I explained that Will used to live there and how you were out of sorts. He's alright, I promise."

That reassured Merlin a little. "Yeah, okay."

They jabbered some longer as Gwen fixed both of them tea, his in a mug while she fixed her's to go.

"I'm taking a train to meet up with Elyan to see our dad before the moon," Gwen said. Back when they were younger, and before the law was made, Lance bit Elyan to become brothers, the same way kids and teens cut their palms and pressed them together Merlin imagined. A pact. Gwen had told Merlin how furious she'd been with Lance for it, too, though the anger at the time was formed from jealousy at not being included. "I'll be back in about a week. Should I pick up more mushrooms for you?"

Merlin shook his head. "Mum will get them, thanks. She appreciates me not spitting it out, too."

Gwen laughed. "Our pleasure. Take care of yourself, Merlin."

* * *

Gwen had it all wrong.

Morgana was _crazy_.

Merlin went to the SFU Training Center the next day a quarter till his appointment. Being in the presence of other Changed with magic made his own zing with awareness, it was distracting to sense so many people around him at once. He wandered to the Information Desk where a beautiful young woman sat. The desk plate said: _Sophia Tirmor_.

He took off his sunglasses. "Excuse me? Miss Tirmor?"

Sophia glanced at him, then made a double take. And did she just- Yes, she definitely just sniffed the air. A smile spread on her face. "Oh. _Oh_. Hello. How can I help you?"

"I have an appointment with Morgana Le Fey, but-"

"Le Fey?" Sophia frowned. "She is currently with a client at the moment, just started, but I'll let her know you dro-"

"Is _this _the Merlin I heard so much about?" Merlin turned, and coming down the stairs was a woman with long dark hair in a complimenting loose top and dark slacks. She clacked across the floor in high heels, and from the corner of his eye Merlin saw Sophia's expression turn sour.

"Miss Le Fey, your three-thirty appointment-"

"Thank you, Sophia," Morgana said smartly, not once looking at her, "for overlapping my clients. I directed my three-thirty for tomorrow, as I had, if you hadn't read my notice, a Top Priority Appointment today at four." She looped her arm around Merlin's and spun him around. She smelled of pure lavender and chamomile, and Merlin relaxed subconsciously in her hold. The smell eased some of his headache. "I'm starved! I'm sure you are as well, dear. Come, I'll treat us to dinner."

"Mmmkay?" Merlin agreed. He waved to Sophia. "Thanks."

"My pleasure," he heard her grumble.

They went as far as the alleyway before Morgana shoved him against a wall. Merlin raised his arms- She leaned forward slowly and sniffed him, pressing her face against the skin of his neck. The only thing that could tumble out of his mouth was, "What the fuck are you doing?"

Morgana kept there a second longer before stepping away. There was content smile on her face. "You're coming into your wolf scent. Its nice."

So Merlin was just this side of weirded out. "Um, thank you? Was that necessary?"

Her smile turned knowing. "Yes."

"Then-"

"Nothing you need to understand right now," she said dismissively, beckoning Merlin to follow her to the street again. "We were on our way to dinner. We'll talk as we go."

Merlin stepped beside her and she circled her arm around his again. "I've heard that before. Are you a Seer for Arthur's pack?"

"I am," Morgana affirmed with a nod. "I'm glad you're familiar with Seers. Kilhan Gareth, wasn't it?" She didn't wait for an answer. "Today we're only going to talk about your new abilities and the lessons we'll be doing. The magic won't really be available to you until after your first Moon, even if it pops up here and there. Even then, hands on lessons won't be until later; you will first need to learn to ground yourself - yes I mean meditating - so accidents won't happen."

"Like at the hospital."

"Exactly."

When they arrived at a nice, small restaurant down the street called Shine Morgana took it upon herself to order for him. It was a place which mainly served werewolves, Merlin noticed as he looked at the menu, curious suspicion when his stomach didn't churn at food described raw.

"Gwen tells me you have been eating Reishi mushrooms," Morgana said after she asked for blue steaks for each of them. Merlin was apprehensive about it, but didn't say anything. "While its okay for newly Changed, you still need meat in your diet. Were you a vegetarian before you were bit?"

"Thought about it, but it didn't stick," he answered.

Morgana nodded. "Good. Because its practically impossible now. You have an animal to feed within you, a carnivore. A predator. Once you're in the pack, the Alpha will teach you about hunting and how you don't need to eat every animal that comes your way."

"Great," Merlin mumbled, then he back tracked. "'In the pack'? Am I to join your pack?" he asked, surprised.

The expression on Morgana's face was regretful, her lips pursed as if she'd tasted a lemon. "_A_ pack. Not necessarily ours," she said bitterly, looking forlorn and not meeting his eyes. Merlin didn't know what to say to that, hadn't even thought that he would need to start searching for a pack yet, but of course he did. Merlin wouldn't be able to do this by himself.

He didn't want to think about it. Instead Merlin prompted her, "You said I have a syllabus?"

Morgana looked at him with gratefulness, a smile lifting her mouth prettily. "I did. From what I heard about the hospital incident is that your magic responded from being provoked. Was it anger? Fear?"

Merlin nodded, heat rising on his cheeks in embarrassment. Everything was going around the pack grapevine. "Yeah, both. Hopelessness. Resentment."

"The whole nine yards," she said not without sympathy. "Which means your magic is attune to strong emotions and will make for a great offense if you are cornered by terrorizing packs."

"Such as Pendragon?" Merlin asked. He still hadn't received word back from Will and was getting restless about this territorial pack in the city. Was Edwin from Pendragon's pack, come earlier than Will anticipated?

Morgana was silent, staring at him, and Merlin felt that she was trying to pick apart his brain. Finally, after a long moment of Merlin starting to fidget, she asked, "What do you know about the Pendragon pack?"

"My best mate told me about them the day I was attacked," he explained. "Territorial, start Wolf Battles to gain the upper hand. Dangerous, basically. Should I know more? Or differently?"

She ignored his questions. "What is your friend's pack?"

"Erm, I don't know their pack name, but his Alpha is Mithian Nemeth." He watched her eyes light up with interest. "You know them?"

"I don't know the pack of Avalon officially," Morgana replied, her smile widening as she talked, "but I will."

Their waiter came and set their plates in front of them. The slabs of meat hardly touched the fire, but the smell was heavenly to Merlin. "This is so gross," he muttered as he took a bite and promptly fell in love. It didn't bother his stomach any, which did and did not surprise him.

As they ate, Morgana talked more about what he would be learning. Next month, after his first Moon, they would begin stirring up his magic and immediately grounding it again. They would find his center focus - that which would make grounding easier - then start with his more natural abilities, what came to hand when Merlin will reach for his magic.

"Some wolves can only move objects with their mind," Morgana explained, "while others can only manipulate the elements."

"What can you do?" Merlin asked.

"A little of everything," she said, "but my specialty lies with the Sight."

Nearing the end, two phones rang at once. Merlin excused himself while Morgana fished out her own phone. He looked at the cover: _Will_.

"I need to take this," they both said at once, then left the table with a laugh.

"You asshole," Merlin greeted. "You left me here!" Maybe that was too much feeling at once when he was going for light.

"Hey, mate, good to hear ya voice," Will said, sounding exhausted. "I've been waitin' for ya to show yer ugly mug to the world again. Left yer mum and granpa sick. Freya was in a right state, as well."

"And you?"

"Kilhan told me ya would be okay," he said. "Though it didn't help the waiting. Tell anyone I were scared an' I'll deny every bit of it."

Merlin sighed. "Its good to hear from you, Will. I'm lost on this whole werewolf business, I don't know what to do. I'm already involved with some pack stuff-"

"You're in a pack?" Will asked, happy surprise in his voice. "That's awesome, mate, I can't- oh bugger, hold on, Mer-_ Kent! Cadi! Stop that, those're yer mum's slippers, not chew toys! _Sorry, mate, I need ta-"

"No, no, I understand," Merlin allowed, feeling heavy. He didn't have the heart to correct Will after how pleased he sounded. "No, yeah, I'm in the middle of an appointment anyway, I'll get back with you."

"A'right, Merlin - my phone's always open, stay in touch. Hey, tell ya what. Call back after eight, ya should be done then, right? We can talk, an' I'll give ya an update."

Merlin smiled lightly. He missed Will _terribly_. "Alright, that sounds good. See you." He ended the call and went back to his table where Morgana was finishing her own conversation. There was a frown on her face and she was watching Merlin as he sat back down.

"No, I suppose not," she said into the receiver, sounding put off. "I mean, its not like it doesn't cut into my schedule at all," she exaggerated with heavy sarcasm. Her other hand was stabbing fork holes in the steak. "We'll be done after he eats. ... Yes, he's getting the idea of what he needs to change, but that lies more on Perce and you than me. ... Whatever, ta-ta darling."

She hung up. "Well, we've been cut short for today. Your Lycantherapist wants to see you as soon as possible." Despite the irritation, Morgana had an air of elation. Merlin was slowly getting used to sensing, or - so help him - _smelling _the emotions people were giving off. It was enough that he could hear his grandfather's irregular heartbeat from across the house or know whenever his mother needed to 'freshen up'. There were just some things Merlin didn't need to know about his family.

"He wants me to pass on that you need to eat cooked or processed foods sparingly. Not many Changed can handle it on their stomachs," Morgana explained. "Milk and other dairy products need to be organic, lose the fried and sugary foods, eat raw meats, greens are your friend, and home baked bread is best."

"Gotcha."

"Next week, let's say Sunday, we'll meet here again at four and we'll talk about your magic with a greater extent. I'd have loved to go into greater depth today, but your Lycantherapy is very important before your first Full Moon."

Merlin nodded mutely, sopping up the meat juices with his dinner roll. The meal was perfect, the best thing he'd eaten since he woke. He was content and full, relaxed for the first time. The lavender and chamomile Morgana wore put him at ease.

"You smell good," he said, without thinking. He blushed. "I mean, the whole herb-thing-"

Morgana laughed. "Thank you. I have extra rubs and incense if you'd like some. They help me sleep; you wouldn't believe how often I wake from every little vision that comes my way."

"Can't you control it? Sorry, I mean like, like, push them away, or something?"

She took a drink of water, becoming thoughtful. "I could," she said slowly. "I used to do so, as well, but with the issue within our pack with the Essetirs... The majority of my pack brothers are serving the police." Morgana met his gaze. "I don't like surprises, Merlin. I'm sure you can understand."

They wrapped it up quickly after that. Morgana took care of the bill ("Don't be silly. You're not working right now, and I took you out, didn't I?") and gave him the directions to the therapy center. Merlin declined a ride, regardless of the traffic fumes and noises, slipped his sunglasses on, and made his way there.

Six months had done a lot to his town, he noticed. Some shops that had been wrestling to stay in business were booming with it, while others had completely changed on the interior. Many more stores had signs and stickers on their door that said "werewolf friendly" or "improved lunar section". Merlin wondered where the politics were standing lately, he hadn't thought to check while sulking at home.

The center was wedged between an alternative health store and a gym. Merlin noticed on the door before walking in that it was near closing time, and he wondered why his Lycantherapist called for such an urgent meeting when there wouldn't be time for a full session. The receptionist at the counter seemed to be wondering the same.

"Name?" she asked as he approached. Her nametag read Sefa.

"Merlin Emrys," he said, throwing her a charming smile. Sefa smiled back, taking a second look at him. He heard the jump in her heartbeat, and Merlin grinned wider. She blushed and put her attention in the computer.

"Hm. New patient? I can't find your record," she remarked. "Do you know your therapist's name, or type of therapy?"

"Dr. Aglain, Lycantherapy," he said.

"Ah, here you are." Sefa did some scrolling, mumbling under her breath as she read to herself. "Dr. Conway, physician, substitute in queue..." She looked at him. "Normally I have new patients fill out information packets, but would you mind filling it the next time you come it?" A sheepish smile.

He chuckled. "No problem, sorry for my wacky appointment schedule. Must be a pain," he said, conversing.

Sefa's eyes widened and her blush grew. "Oh, its no trouble at all! I didn't mean- I'm sorry, oh, I shouldn't have-"

Merlin laughed. "You're fine! I didn't feel too forward for paperwork, anyway. You're to be going home soon, anyway; I wouldn't want to keep you here after hours." He smiled, watching her shyly return it. "I'm Merlin. Obviously."

She pointed at her nametag. "Sefa. Obviously." They shared a laugh. After a moment of nothing, she turned apologetic. "I'm sorry, I should be letting you go. It says for you to go to room four, which is down the hall to your left. He'll meet with you momentarily after I check you in."

"Thank you Sefa. Have a good weekend," he said. "I'll see you later, most likely."

Her blush was so cute, Merlin thought, as she nodded shyly. "You as well, Merlin. I hope so."

Merlin entered the therapy room, looking from the cream colored walls to the hanging plants that were dangling from the ceiling. On the east wall there was a dark, three-seating couch with a long, low coffee table in front of it. Across from the couch were two chairs, plush with tall backs. The entire north end was a paneled window overlooking the city, and bookshelves lined the west wall. Merlin shuffled over to read the titles, but found the majority of them, of course, to be self-help books with cliche titles about "new age 12-step help for the lunar cycle" or "his inner wolf and him". Merlin wondered over the book titled, _The Lunar Eclipse: Being Prepared_.

He made a face and was about to wander to the doctorate plaques, but the door opened again and Merlin shrunk against the wall out of instinct. A blonde man entered with a notepad and cup of coffee in his hands which he carried and set on the coffee table in front of the chair closest to the window. The man then turned and faced Merlin with a practiced smile.

"Hello, Mr. Emrys. I know Dr. Aglain was to be your original Lycantherapist, but I'm his replacement given the circumstances concerning the involvement of my pack," he said with a slight edge when speaking about the pack, and with just that Merlin had the instinctive urge to make himself small and unnoticeable. "I'm Dr. Pendragon, though you may know me by, and call me, Arthur."

Merlin took a step back with a gasp. "Pendragon?" he repeated shakily. Morgana's quiet judging made sense, but she didn't deny his descriptions, but Gwen said- Merlin's tongue got away from him, snipping, "I've heard of your pack's morals; I can't believe Lance would tie himself with the lot of you." Arthur matched him for a step, and despite their power differences, Merlin's hackles raised and a growl rose from his chest. _Keep away. I'm terrified, but I won't hesitate to defend myself_. Arthur stopped.

"The Pendragon pack no longer partake in or support Wolf Battling if we can help it," he said, "nor are our views so biased and narrow-minded. Not as if its any of your business, but since my leadership we do not claim territories. Stand down and come have a seat." He gestured to the other chair.

Merlin didn't move, glaring. "My friend's pack had to move because of you."

"Merlin," Arthur said firmly, a domineering scent filling the room. Merlin whined, twisting with the want to do what he said and put up a pitiful fight at the same. Was this what an Alpha would be like, once he found a pack, all orders and catering to their commands? Merlin frowned, wondering if Kilhan could be an Alpha if he chose. He knew family packs were very common, and perhaps he wouldn't need to search for one, afterall.

Arthur caught his focus with a rumbling growl, and Merlin fought the urge to bare his neck to him in surrender. Instead, with a metaphorical tail between his legs, he crossed the room. To defy Arthur in some way, however, Merlin sat on the couch and glared hard at the table between them.

"Damn mind tricks," Merlin muttered.

"No, apparently that's your category," Arthur commented lightly as he sat down. "How was it with Morgana?"

"Pointless," he replied aloofly. "We were cut short by an impatient ass."

"Whatever you heard about me or my pack," Arthur asserted, "it is wrongly misjudged. You've met and know the majority of my betas, and I'm sure Guinevere has told you more than what is your business to know. I'm treating you as a favor for Lance, which can be easily changed. You should show me some respect."

Merlin bristled. Logically he knew that Lance wouldn't get himself involved with a dangerous and cruel pack, and Gwen wouldn't speak so highly of them, but Will was gone because of this pack. It was Pendragon at war with Essetir, Merlin thrown into the shit storm, and now he was being babied by them or he'd be so lost without their help. What if... A far fetched thought came to him, no matter how ridiculous: What if he was attacked by Edwin because he was familiar with Lance, and thought he was familiar with the rest of his pack? It made crazy sense, but Merlin could see the ties, and it stuck. _It all came back to Pendragon_.

The coffee cup rattling on the table was the only warning Merlin and Arthur had before it flew across the room, smashing with such an incredible force that the ceramic shattered in dozens of shards. Arthur didn't even flinch, following the coffee trail over the carpet with his eyes and coming back to meet Merlin's frightened gaze. His face was hard, and Merlin's heart rabbitted.

"I think we're done here, Mr. Emrys," Arthur said, standing again, and Merlin shrank back unconsciously in the sofa when Arthur loomed forward to pick up his notepads. "I'll set your therapist back to Dr. Aglain and I'll have Morgana pass you to another mentor. It should be no trouble for Perce to recommend a passable lycanologist. Aside from Lance at the radio station and Elyan as Guinevere's brother whom you hardly see anyway, my pack will have nothing more to do with you."

Merlin thought he should be feeling relief, but cold dread washed over him instead. He swallowed it down, not daring to say a single word while he watched Arthur straighten and hold out his hand to Merlin. His mother's voice said to him _be polite; never leave a confrontation without showing you can be the better man_.

"Thank you for your time and effort," Merlin said evenly through his teeth. He stood in a need to feel equal to Arthur, and with just the table between Merlin noticed he was a few inches taller. He took Arthur's hand in his.

* * *

Merlin heard his mother's soft footsteps before she knocked quietly on his door. It was around ten at night, a couple days after his appointment with Arthur; even if the sky was cloudy tonight to match his mood, Merlin could feel the moon's disappearance as it turned New. His body was aching in a way that was more intense, yet more bearable, than when he woke at the hospital. Kilhan informed him that he was becoming stronger as the month wore on to the next full moon, and told Merlin that he would have been impossible to deal with if he'd come to just days before the black moon.

"Baby?" she called out to his dark room, whispering. Merlin could see perfectly in the darkness, blinds drawn shut with blackout curtains hanging over them (but he didn't want to think about his window), but his medication had run dry the day prior and brought forth his useless nose and killer headache.

He didn't respond. Merlin asked his family to turn away all visitors and he turned off his phone. He hadn't moved far from his room, didn't join any meals taking place, and he

"I know you're awake," Hunith said without accusation. Then, fondly, "You make little snuffling noises when you sleep." Despite his deep-seated anger and confusion, Merlin's lips made a small smile.

"I've been worrying about you, Merlin," she confessed, even more quiet. "I asked Kilhan what it was, or what I could do to help you, but. Well, you know how he's more metaphor than sensical. He says that its up to you now and 'all paths were at a standstill' - whatever that means - 'while you are avoiding your issues'.

"I looked at him tonight, thinking, sure my baby gets in a rut sometimes and he slows down, but Merlin never, ever stops. If there's a problem he's facing, he faces it headstrong. I said to him, 'Kilhan, I'm not sure we're talking of the same man. I've never known my Merlin to avoid his obstacles.' Then I said, 'Don't you remember when he was five and twisted his ankle? His doctor told him to stay in bed to keep it elevated, but Merlin was so bent on being up the next day he was determined to crawl on his hands and one foot, little bottom in the air as he kept that one ankle up.

"'Now I know my boy, Kilhan. Merlin is smart, stubborn like his father. He's not hiding in his room to avoid anything and you can't tell me differently. If I didn't know any better, he's up there right now thinking of how he can smash through this rut so it will be behind him.' After that, well, I haven't seen that look on Kilhan's face in a long while. You know his wide-eyed surprised? Nothing gets past him, so you can imagine how smug I felt," she laughed.

There was a heavy pause, then his mother went on, "You are stubborn, my boy. You are too stubborn to ask for help when it comes to your personal problems, and you close down completely when we try to see what you're struggling with. God knows I try! Merlin. Baby, I came here to say that whatever it is, whatever's torturing you and keeping you twisted in your thoughts, perhaps its not that complicated. Perhaps you're over thinking the problem. Simplify.

"Alright, baby. I love you," Hunith said, "I'm done now. You sleep well, okay? I'll see you in the morning." His mother closed the door behind her, leaving Merlin with that weighted thought.

It shouldn't be so complicated, but it changed _everything_. Everything that mattered in these few weeks, it was suddenly different. Someone had pulled the rug out from underneath him and the problem was not the same from this angle. Not to mention it didn't help that problem he was trying to resolve wasn't even a subject he knew two pennies worth.

Merlin was warned and foreseen time and again, and he didn't do anything to research it, to understand what it truly meant to werewolves. Merlin didn't know what to do now he found his Destiny, and it frustrated him!

And it confused him for many reasons. Merlin would swear on anything that he heard the jump in Arthur's heartbeat when their hands touched and how right it felt, it felt too much like coming home not to be right, like a knot was being tied over their hands, and Arthur was a stranger to him yet already he knew they were meant to be why didn't Arthur say anything because Merlin sure as hell wouldn't!

Arthur had stared at him with that stupid contemplating look on his face, like he was considering him, stared not long enough too long, before firmly shaking his hand and dropping it. Merlin saw the tells in his muscles, the twitch of fingers and the tightening of his jaw, and why didn't he say something then instead of just moving away and out the door with nothing more than a quiet goodbye - which, Merlin wouldn't tell anyone sober, but he didn't drink so that's okay, which was said completely lost and wanting.

He gave a choked growl, hurt and angry.

Merlin wouldn't because he'd seen his best friend find his Destiny and knew what it meant and what it led to, and Merlin didn't feel like he could make that commitment to Arthur because he was a man. They both were, yet his heart yearned for Arthur, but Merlin wasn't gay. Was it a screw up? Did the red string of fate - and boy, did those dreams make more sense now - tie off the wrong people for once? Merlin's head was positive on it while his heart screamed it would take no one else.

It was something to think on, definitely, and something Merlin couldn't risk in simplifying in case he overlooked a detail, any detail, that would tell him what to do now.

Not even aware he'd fallen asleep, Merlin awoke during the night when a cool rag was placed on his forehead. His body ached everywhere with the new moon's arrival, especially his shoulder (which had stopped hurting with his new diet) but he very slowly opened his eyes. Merlin belatedly realised he was making noises, whines and whimpers.

It didn't worry him to see Arthur standing above him with a tiny tin container, staring down at Merlin with his same considering look. He didn't even question it, he was feeling so ludicrous. Merlin's eyes closed again, and didn't open even when he felt Arthur place slightly greased fingers at his temple, his upper lip, and eyelids. Merlin sharply inhaled the eucalyptus scent and ran his tongue across his lip; the salve laid warm on his tongue from the beeswax, and the oil coated his mouth like the coldest water. His nose cleared enough to breathe without trouble, and his headache lessened without the strains on the senses.

"Thank you..." Merlin breathed in relief and felt himself relax even further. In lieu of an answer, the cloth was removed from his head and replaced with a fresh damp one. Merlin made a content sigh and fell back asleep.

* * *

_Merlin fretted over the first fray of the red ribbon held between he and Arthur. It was one of the more thready areas, but far from being the worst on his end. He looked at Arthur for help but noticed he was already going on to the next blemish on their ribbon, the first one patched neatly and practically unnoticeable._

"_How did you do that?" Merlin asked, accusing._

_Arthur looked at the damaged bit in Merlin's hands. "I made my decision and I am able to move on."_

"_But," he flailed, "But its like _**a big decision**_, don't you get it?"_

"_And I made it," Arthur said with an edge of finality and concentrated on the torn edges on his end. Merlin stared with his mouth open, about to argue, but thought better of it and looked at the task at hand. He turned it over, but it was the same; there wasn't a different angle, only what was there._

"_Huh."_

"_What is it?" Arthur asked without glancing from his work._

"_Its the same on both sides," Merlin said, coming to a realisation. "I thought it would be different, or possibly easier to handle from the bottom."_

_Arthur scoffed. "Don't make it harder than it needs to be."_

_Rolling his eyes, Merlin muttered, "Whatever." With it simplified - just Arthur, his Destiny, no one else and no need for an identity crisis - Merlin tried to resolve the problem and knit threads together again. It didn't happen._

_Merlin huffed, frustrated but resisted the urge to toss it away childishly. "I can't! I see the issue, I know what's there, I know what I have to do to fix it, but I can't."_

_A shrug was his answer as Arthur fitted his edges together. "Then don't."_

"_But how did you do it?" Merlin wanted to know._

"_It's up to you." That wasn't an answer to Merlin and he told him as much. With a sigh, Arthur stopped and looked at him. "I had no opinion. You're my Destiny and I can't change it, no matter how much of an idiot you seem to be. I accepted it and you."_

"_But you didn't-"_

"_Look, you can move on and come back from it if you want to, but watch what you're doing by overcomplicating things," Arthur snapped, gesturing towards Merlin's ribbon. He looked and wondered how he didn't notice his fingernails scratching and picking at the frays, making it bigger and worse._

_With a deep sigh, Merlin let loose the hole and moved on. He'll return to it._

_In silence, they worked together repairing their red ribbon._


End file.
